Want to Take Back a Cheater? Not So Fast!

My ex keeps calling me, and says he wants to try again. The reason why we broke up is because he cheated on me. He says he's sorry and part of me still likes him, but I don't want my heart broken again. What should I do?

- Anonymous


Dear Anonymous,

Personally, I am not one to give a second chance to someone who deliberately steps out on a relationship, as it is a sign of disrespect and a violation of trust -- enough that I call cheaters grand douchebags. Furthermore, getting back together in a relationship would be a strain. Unless you truly forgive him, there will be a lingering question in the back of your mind if he's doing it again.

However, I admit there are several factors to consider that I'm not aware of based on the letter, and it depends on the circumstances behind the infidelity. Did the affair go on for an extended period of time (compared to only one time)? Is the other woman an important person in his life (compared to a random woman he recently met)? Did he cheat before in the past with you, or another woman? Does this seem like a contrived plot to get back to you (compared to being a sincere apology)?

If the answer to any of those questions is yes, I recommend keeping your distance and not to answer his calls.

Nebz. Child of the Universe.

So I'm the last, but certainly NOT the least.

U can call me Nebz. I'm a 27 year-old (28 on Feb. 4th kiddos!) mother of a beautiful baby girl. I have a companion in my life, so no funny business.

I'm born in El Barrio, but a full-bred Brooklynite. A true New Yorker.

I'm the girl that always lived in the intersection of 2 or more neighborhoods & could never tell u where she lived, exactly. I've spent extensive time in Bushwick/ Bed-Stuy/ Ridgewood/ East Elmhurst [yea Qnz got in there]/ Flatbush/ East New York/ Ocean Hill/ Crown Heights/ Gowanus/ Cobble Hill/ Park Slope/ Downtown Brooklyn/ Puerto Rico. So we can just say, I am pretty familiar with my borough. But I have also spent much time educating myself in the Wall Street & East Village areas. I've never gone to school in my neighborhood.

What this boils down to is this- I've known tons of people, interacted with probably at least 1 person that is within 3 degrees of separation from YOU, & probably have bee thru wutever ur going thru, & probably can tell u a little something abt it before u crash & burn on ur own.

I have been told I'm wise beyond my years. It has been said I am in tune
with the soul of the planet. I am into meditation, auras, colors, sounds, artwork, creativity, metallic things, the written word.... which is why I like lyricists, as I visualize the words written down & find it amazing how some people can string together such stimulating verbal threads that surreptitiously speak volumes to the synapses in ur cerebral cortex.... yes....

I'm sensitive. I do my best to see both sides. I tend to have males coming to me for advice, as I am not ur typical "man-basher" & don't always go on the female's side of things. Just because u have a vagina doesn't make u right in my book. if you's a crazy bytch, you's a crazy bytch. That's that. If ur a dirtbag dude, ur a dirtbag dude. Simple.

I come from a BIG family, with all kinds of dysfunction & stories, so no need to be shy, & quit thinking nobody can understand ur plight. I get u if ur emo, I get u if ur damaged. I get u if ur bi-polar, I get u if ur just a stoic ice queen/king. I get u if ur just a happy ray of sunshine gleaming on a bright February morning. Just come as u are, & I gotcha.

To clarify that nagging thought ur having.... I hold 2 college degrees from an accredited University & am an aspiring novelist.... I CHOOSE to spell things wrong, & I only capitalize cuz of auto spell-check. I'm an avid AIMer & TXTer so if u can't understand my sometimes very-short-shorthand, oh freaking well. If I were writing ur term paper, u wouldn't have to worry abt the MLA formatting. So be easy if u wanna start some shyt. ;)

I'm ready for ur questions, & concerns, & confusions abt anything. Even abt ur role in the Universe. Let's do this!
[.nebz.]

Intro (Lil One)

Hello All! First off, I would like to introduce myself. I am the Lil One. The name came about because I am always the young one, being that I was in school with friend older than me for the majority of my life, but don't let that fool you! I am wise beyond my years. I was raised in Brooklyn with a constant struggle between what is right and wrong in two different cultures. I would like to call myself Americanized but raised with a family that is completely against who I am just because I do not follow the strict, old-fashioned ways of my parents.

Let me elaborate on the differences in viewpoints of my parents and myself. My parents believe that there are certain jobs that a woman SHOULD DO (i.e. be an accountant, a pharmacist, business administration), and my parents also believe that a woman is weak. Their viewpoint is that if a guy pushes me to do something, I will be weak and won't be able to fight him off, and I will succumb to a man's will. In addition to that, they believe that a woman should be soft spoken and meek, should follow EVERYTHING that the parents say (because the parents will ALWAYS know best), should be at home to do all the chores, shouldn't go out to socialize, you cannot kiss or hug a boy, etc. You get my point. Now, my viewpoint is very different. I am a strong and independent woman and I speak my own mind. I know that my parents are the way they are because they do not know any better, but the world has change. Women can be strong and can make up their own minds. I do not follow everything that my parents choose for me because I do not believe that a women's place in this world is to be at home doing all the chores, taking care of her husband and only to make babies. In addition to that, I do not believe that my parents have the right to choose what I should do (careerwise) in life. I make my own decisions and I will have to live with whatever I have chosen.

It is a constant struggle between the desires of my parents and my own desires. I would love to be the daughter that my parents want me to be but yet I know that this will never happen. I've broken most of the shackles that my parents have put on me and it still never gets easy.

Now what qualifies me to give advice? For one thing, I can see things from the old-fashioned and strict ways of my parents and I can also see things from my own perspective (from my struggles to become who I am today). I like to think very carefully on the advice I give others based on my own personal experiences and I am also quite blunt. I am not afraid to tell you that you are a low-life scumbag should the need arise. Now I do not claim to be perfect. I have made and seen many mistakes in my life. My advice will come from all of this.

My policy is the same as JT Spyder, I am happy to give you advice with whatever problem you may have, but do not dare come running back to me if something undesirable happens when you go against my advice.

Take a Walk through Brooklyn & You'll Find Me.... Bushwick!!!

Hello Hello there!!

Well, I thought I'd give a touch of estrogen up in this piece and introduce myself. I'm Bushwick and you'd laugh at my nickname on here when you read my intro! And, here we go:

I was born and raised in Hollis, Queens and have lived in all of the damn boroughs of NY except Manhattan. Some twenty-some (almost thirty some) years ago, I was placed on this earth for many reasons. Reason #1: I don't have hair on my tongue, never have and never will. I will tell you how it is. I don't sugarcoat shit for anyone. And, I have no fuckin' problem telling you ass munches where to stick the sunshine on a cloudy day if need be! LOL, seriously though, I am here to keep it real. My advice is real, my experiences are real and I like to be real AT ALL TIMES! Reason #2: I have been told that I can see situations on both ends. I will tell you this off the bat: GIRLS AND GUYS ARE THE SAME!!!! It's men and women who are different. So, when it comes to relationships, I can tell you who is the wrong and who is the right. Reason#3: I chose this to be the kids reason because 3 is my magic number. I have 3 kids. I have an 8 year old son and a set of infant twin daughters. My son's dad is in the picture and the girls' sperm donor is not. So, child rearing is my speciality and I find it to be my top priority in my personal life (yeah, it should have been my number 1 but like I said, 3 is my magic number!) and Reason#4: (Drumroll please!) I have a sense of humor and witty as all hell. I am beyond my years and will come at you with some philisophical shit sometimes.... things that make you go hmmmmmm??? I am religious but not a bible beater. I love my God and that's who works for me. I am just your average chick with a great heart, great sense of humor and a great way of telling you how it is.
I love my kids, music, reading, people, writing poetry and just plan ole' fun!

I think I am a great candidate for giving advice to regular everyday people because I AM a regular everyday person. I am the girl whom you walk by in the morning while she is getting her coffee. Or, I'm the chick you were grinding on in the club some years back and forgot the grab the digits. Or, i'm the girl sitting home, crying over the guy who just broke her heart. I have been there, done that and like I tell my 8 year old; "I don't like to see you get burned the way I did." If you had a look into the future and saw me get into a red car tomorrow and had a horrible accident, would you forewarn me? I'm not here to change anyone's lives because I am not God a miracle worker. But, I do believe in giving people guidance in situations where no one gave it to me. I'm all for the underdog and will be there to hear and help you out!

So, I'm glad I had the opportunity to put a lil bit of pink in this bitch (sorry guys) and can't wait to paint this blog red.... with my love for y'all!!! Hit us up and let's get it going!

I dont know you so why would I lie?

My experience, born and raised in the South Bronx. Spent 4+ years in the Marines which includes a quickie in Iraq and Liberia and a few other places. I been on the both ends of a break up and now my chosen profession is pretty much babysitting grown adults that are too petty to act like grown adults.

I ask people all the time when they want some kind of interaction with me, Do you want the truth or do you want what you want to hear? Just know that the more the truth hurts, the more you needed to hear it.

One
Bland3094

Another Introduction (Noble)

I'm Noble, and yeah, that's not my real name. Somehow, I "earned" it from a close friend (long story), and kept that nickname since.

I was born and raised in the South Bronx. If some people believe that gives me street cred or hardcore points, keep in mind that while I am street smart and not afraid to walk outside at night, I was mostly the quiet geek that observed everything. Growing up in New York also allowed me to experience and learn a variety of different cultures, views, and ideas – something that you can only get by living in a diverse city.

What makes me qualified to give advice? First, I'm adaptable. A teacher can attest that what may work great for one student, may be ineffective for another. Advice is similar in that fashion. I understand that one piece of advice may work great for one person, but the same advice can lead to a disaster for another person. That's why I believe several advice columns are going out of style – the same generic advice is applied to similar situations.

Second, to paraphrase JT Spyder from his introduction, only a nut job believes he or she knows everything in the world ... and I'm not heading to Ward's Island anytime soon for psychiatric evaluation. While I learned from my own experiences and mistakes, as well as those around me, but all that combined understanding still is a tiny dot in a vast ocean of knowledge.

What advice will I give? I will consider the problem or question and the available options, then come forth with a frank and candid response. A person shouldn't expect anything else from me. If that means I must call a person out on their moronic, selfish or detestable actions, I will do so – and probably with several four letter words that are not allowed on television or radio.

That's all for now folks. Looking forward to answering any questions that comes my way.

A little intro (JT Spyder)

I'm just popping in here to introduce myself. I go by the name of JT Spyder. No, that's not my real name, because if it was, that'd be kind of douchebaggy. If you've lived in big cities long enough, than you know why I wouldn't be dumb enough to put up my real name for the time being. Anyway, I just wanted to give you an idea of what kind of person I am, and what you might hear from me, if you're looking for some advice.

I was born and raised in NYC, and I've lived here my whole life. I grew up in the LES, (Lower East Side of Manhattan for the uninitiated) and spent my formative years in Spanish Harlem. I've lived through the 9/11 attacks, I've lived through the city-wide blackout back in 2003, and I've lived and survived in the day to day grind of the city. Anyone who's been here long enough knows how that alone can wear you down, but I love it here, and I wouldn't think of anywhere else to be (though I have done my fair share of traveling).

I'm not the type of person to use buzz words, euphemisms, or sugar coat things. I'm as blunt as it gets when speaking to people about things, whether or not I've known them for a long time. I don't believe in soft lies, or comforting tales. I'll let you know what I think you need to know in the best way I think you need to know it.

What qualifies me to give advice? Simply put, I'm not stupid enough to think that I know everything. I'm not Mister Perfect, and I realize that no one else is perfect (and if you think you are, be ready for me to slap that nonsense out of your head). The one thing that I do well, and do better than most other people, is that I think before I speak. I don't go for knee-jerk responses. You'll get a well thought out response to any questions you may have, with the reasoning behind the advice given, as well as what the best course of action may be, at least from my perspective. You'll see for yourself what kind of advice I give, and if you like it, then I'm glad to have helped. If not, then you are free to do what you want, but don't come whining to me if your decisions blows up in your face. Just remember, you're responsible for yourself, no one else is. If you think you can blame other people for your own shortcomings, then get ready to be torn apart.

The Start of Everything

This is just a test post to see how things work on blogspot. So far, everything is working smooth.

Right now, we are gathering a team of people from the New York area to give multiple perspectives on advice for anyone who seeks it, whether it's about relationships, family, finance, etc. Name it, we'll talk about it.

And by good advice, we mean we will tell it straight, and avoid the politically correct bullshit. For instance, if your boyfriend is an asshole, we will call your man a asshole. If your girl is a spoiled brat who is a golddigger, we will call her a spoiled brat who is a golddigger. If we think you're a douchebag for lying to your spouse, we will call you a douchebag.

As such, not to state the obvious, but this blog is definitely not for children.

That said, if you haven't pissed in your pants and have a question you dare to ask, send it to thecynicalbastards@gmail.com, and one of our writers will definitely answer it for you.

When this column gets started soon, you will not find another one like this. I guarantee it.



~ Noble